2,000 followers. That's more than Jesus had initially, but less than the Beatles. I say that not because I'm better than either, or want to stir up controversy, but because I noticed that Paul McCartney tended to wear his facial and head hair differently and clothes differently than the other Beatles, which is sort of a visual Yoko Ono to the rest of his mates if you think about it.
Okay, none of that last sentence made sense, but then, neither does 2,000 people caring about me making fart jokes. Of course, I suspect that 1678 of those followers accidentally hit the follow button rather than the block button, and were simply too embarrassed to ask their six year old for help with their smartphones.
But I did some data crunching and found out that I'm the 10th most followed person in Louisville, which is like being the 4,589th most famous graduate of Harvard. (Harvard Air Conditioner Repair School, not the place in Cambridge.)
Still, it's amazing to me that 2,000 people have followed me, and many more have retweeted me, found something I said amusing, or feel the need to enjoy my ranting.
This would be the point where I tell you that people like Steve Martin have tweeted their appreciation of a joke to me. But I wouldn't do that. He just had his first baby, and he really doesn't need the attention right now. No, HE didn't have the baby, his wife did. Could you imagine Steve Martin having a baby? That would be weird, what with the arrow through the head and all. Did I mention he's 67? And she's 41? Which makes her my age. I wonder why Steve Martin never asked me to have his baby. Yeah, I'm a guy, but the man TWEETED to me, for God's sake. I just looked up a picture of his wife. She looks like Tina Fey and Kristin Davis had a love child. Which would be impossible. But that child would probably have more than 2,000 followers.
Which is to say that 2,000 followers, like this post, is meaningless. It's not like I can tell any of them to do anything. I doubt I could get five of them to agree on a place for lunch. (Subway, guys. It's $5 footlong month.) And none of them are sending any money, for sure. (Okay, @CNNLADavid would, but he went to a college that didn't teach decent critical thinking skills.)
But what I'm really trying to say is HAPPY VALENTINES DAY. I'm hoping my 2,001th follower will be my wife, who I love dearly! Seriously, she puts up with my goofy stupidness and my extreme flatulence. Which must be because of love, or the fact that I've changed the locks and she can't get out of the house. Love you, my Sweetiepoop!!!!!!!