Saturday, September 20, 2014

Is Apple Making a Large Mistake?

For the first time ever, my wife and I decided to join in the iPhone release day hysteria, lining up 10 minutes after a Verizon Wireless store opened to get our hands on our own iPhone 6.    Both of us have approached the age in which our vision is determined by how far away you can hold something away from your face, and were looking forward to the larger screens to comfort our less than teenage eyes.     We both avoided the monster screens of the iPhone 6 plus though, because we realized we enjoyed holding our phones with one hand, and didn't want to hire someone to carry it for us.   

When my daughter arrived at the bus stop, I became the little kid, showing her my new toy.   She has an iPhone 5 that she bought with her own money about a year and a half ago, and I just knew she'd be dazzled by the wonderful gadgetry in my hand.  

"Ewwwwww..... it's too big."  

I looked down at my daughter, whose smaller hands made my iPhone 6 look like an iPad mini.  

I instantly thought of all of her friends, almost every single one who owned an iPhone 5, 5c, or 5s.   Every one of them shoving it into a back pocket or a small purse.   Every one of them enjoying a phone that seems tailor made for them and their blasted good eyesight.     And parents having a little less to worry about because the thing could be easily gripped, carried, and used by smaller hands.    My daughter rejected my cool big new phone not because it was Dad's but because the thing was simply too damned big to be cool, or easy to use.  

Which makes me hope Apple doesn't continue its pattern of killing phone models two years after their release and instead continues to make a smaller iPhone, with internal components that reliably last at least two years.   There's a whole new generation of Apple fanboys waiting to be cultivated who don't need to be alienated by something too big to comfortably use.   

Saturday, September 13, 2014

Going Postal

This morning I made a trek to the post office to get something my wife called "stamps".   I was shaking off the morning fog and trying to make my way the mile to the post office in the 15 minute window of time they are open on Saturdays when my car's display lit up and said, "No Phone Connnected."

I DIDN'T HAVE MY SMARTPHONE

I panicked.   No smartphone.   What if my family was attacked by rabid possums while I was on my way to buy stamps?   Worse yet, what if my two month old car broke down?   Or if I had a flat tire, or FOUR FLAT TIRES on the way to the post office?

And then, as I sat there with my broken down car with four flat tires, while trying to figure out how to call AAA with just the items in my trunk, a guy in a tow truck pulls up.  But it says "Leatherface Towing" on the side, and  he's wearing a hockey mask, and carrying a bloody tire iron.

And so I run into the half acre of woods near my house, but I have no idea which way I'm going because I HAVE NO GPS!

And then I step into a bear trap, because I'm sure there are many bear traps in this narrow band of trees between houses, because I've never seen a bear, which must mean people trap them before they get to my house.

And because I can't Google "How do I get out of a bear trap?", I'm stuck there in the woods, and I can't yell for help because I'm kind of shy and like to do most of my conversation via text, and so I have to gnaw off my leg to get out of the trap, but I'm not sure the best way to eat it, because my recipe app is nowhere in sight and then I see the bear who the trap was meant for coming at me, and he looks a little gray and rough around the edges because....  he's a zombie bear, and he's wearing a post office uniform, and ......

"May I help you?"

The dark haired guy behind the counter looks at me like I'm crazy.

"What?"

"Is there something you need?"  

"Yes.   I just don't remember.   Hold on, let me grab my phone and call my.....    OH MY GOD!!!!!!"